It Just Feels Right
by MicksKicksRock
Summary: Amy AKA Lita, was the most electric Diva. She was the most popular and the most appealing. One night, she gets wasted and cheats on long time boyfriend. Now she's back. And somehow, it just feels right.
1. Chapter 1

It Just Feels Right: The Past

The smell of cologne, the taste of a cold beer running down the back of my throat, and the feeling of an

all-time high. That's what I remember most. Most people remember lies, the deception, and my nasty

ways. Four and a half years ago, I was happy. My relationship with my boyfriend, had reached it's

peak. Both of us wanted to be married, neither of us wanted commitment. My career was at it's height.

Fans knew me everywhere we went, and they were happy to see me. Matt and I, had been together for

nearly seven years. We were the happiest we've ever been. Then the month I was out due to injury,

Adam came along. He was a tall, blond, womanizer. At first, I was only disgusted with him. I wanted

nothing to do with him. Soon, Adam was out with an injury too. He started hanging around a lot. He

never seemed to have a home. Eventually, I saw something in Adam. I couldn't break it off with Matt.

Matt made me happy. Adam was stupid and childish, not that Matt didn't have his moments. I spent

many nights, wondering what to do. Clearly, Adam wanted me, my body, and my stardom. Matt

wanted everything, my love, my sickness, all of that. So why was I having problems? How did it come

to this? I don't know. I just can't answer those questions. One morning, I woke up in Matt's arms. The

night before we had been inseparable. We were clinging to each other, it was like he was my life

source. The sparkle in his eyes stunned me. Laying there in the morning light, I saw everything I'd

always seen. He still wasn't awake. I sighed. That was when he woke up. The look in his eyes was

different, they were sad eyes. Looking back now, I think he knew he was losing me. He knew some

day I'd be gone. Tears were desperately close to spilling over for both of us. I can't remember if they

were happy tears or sad tears. We sat there for an hour looking each other over. Then he sat up and

look at not just me, but my heart and said, "Amy. I love you. Please don't ever leave me." I died that

day, on the inside anyway. I'd let him down by thinking of Adam. And just days later, I really hurt him

by being stupid. I watched him get out of bed and go else where before I got up. The phone rang

several times, there were many knocks on the door. I didn't care I sat in the bathroom floor, crying. I

don't know for how long. I sat on the shining white floor coated in tears, not caring what was going on

outside. I finally stood up. I looked in the mirror and saw myself, the dirty liar I was about to become

was making it's way to the surface. I saw it poking through my skin. I was sickened. Then I thought of

my happiest times with Matt. If he saw me like this, he'd know. I then made a decision. One that

sparked it all. I decided to go to the kitchen and drink myself back into a deep slumber. I thought I was

alone. Somewhere in the house though, Adam was waiting. When I had downed an entire bottle of

vodka, he appeared like an mirage. I reached out for his hands and like a miracle from God, there was

a solid. He wasn't a mirage, he was real. He was right where he thought he was wanted and I was

drunk. I don't remember much else. I woke up in a strange car, my clothes were scattered everywhere.

Adam was passed out in the seat next to me. I put two and two together and realized I had slept with

him. I grabbed my clothes and carefully left the scene. I crept through the streets like a ghost. No one

needed to see me getting out of his car. Eventually, I made it back to the house. I was walking up the

drive way when Jeff (Matthew's younger brother) caught me. I was scared. He was normal, he hadn't

picked up on the bad vibes. He didn't say a word. He saw my face, the look of horror and walked away.

My make- up was still a mess from the previous crying spell. My hair was a mess. I shoes were

screwed up. I don't think I even had my pants on right. I sank to the ground when I saw Matt asleep in a

chair on the front porch. He waited. He waited so long he passed out. I was silently crying, inside and

out. I walked to the back door and sneaked in. I jump in the shower and stayed there for a while. Matt

heard the water running. He rushed in the house. I locked the bathroom door before he made it. He was

silent for a few a minutes then, he sadly asked, "Amy. Where have you been?" I scrambled to find an

answer. I told him I had been with the girls. He then went to the living room. I didn't hear anything for

awhile then the door swung open. Matt had some how picked the lock. His face looked like mine, sad.

He stood there for a minute, grabbed a chair and starred at me. I knew what he wanted. He wanted an

explanation as to why I didn't come home. I convinced him to go to the bedroom and I'd be right there.

I did just as I told him would. I sat there beside him. He was in his own world.

"I'm losing you Amy." His sad eyes avoided contact with mine. I thought, "Yes you are."

"No your not Matt. I love you." His eyes changed.

"Then way did you sleep with Adam?" Damn, was it really that obvious?

"I. He. But. I was drun-" He cut me off.

"I found the bottle. I saw the bathroom. How long Amy? How long?" He was a cross between angry

and sad.

"Just last night. I was wasted he was here, and I don't remember the rest." I shook his head. My head

slowly turned to the ground. When I looked up, he was gone. He had grabbed his things and he left.

Then, I tried to remember. Remember anything, even if it didn't change a thing. I couldn't think. I

remembered crying in the bathroom, and reaching for the vodka. But, that was it. I waited twenty

minutes to see if Matt was still here. He was gone, his car and all. I went back to the kitchen, and

flipped through our black book. I found Adam's number and dialed the phone. I rang once, before he

picked it up.

"Uh. Hello?" I could hear the grin on his face.

"Adam.. It's Amy. Get your ass over here. Now!" I was fuming with anger, just as I should have been.

"Okay lover. I'll be right over."

"Damn it don't call me that." I thought I heard him breathe in, but I hung up too fast to be sure. I started

pacing around the kitchen. I guess it was twenty minutes later, that the doorbell rang. I swung the door

open, motioning for him to sit down. Instead he approached me, arms wide open. In his hands he held

my ring. MY RING. The ring Matt used to propose to me.

"Give me that." Lunging at a six foot tall man isn't smart.

"Not so fast. What's wrong?"

"You know what's wrong. You took advantage of me you jerk!" Were tears streaming down my face? I

can't remember.

"Hey. You were asking for it."

"No. I was wasted Adam. You knew better."

"You wanted it. You told me you wanted me."

"You saw the empty bottle. You had to have heard me crying."

"Yes. But, you told me you'd dreamed about me ever since we met."

"No. No. I didn't I'm not stupid."

"Apparently so. You said it. You got what you wanted." Just then the door swung open. It was Jeff.

Things were falling, and fast. He looked at me with disgust. Damn, that hurt. It hurt so much for,

someone whom I considered my brother, to turn his nose up at me. A slammed Adam against the wall.

The only sound was their breathing and my heart beat. My lip started to quiver. Jeff had the look of

death in his eyes. It scared me so much. Adam struggled, and Jeff tightened his grip.

"S-Stop." I whispering and tears were choking me up. Then Matt walked in the door. His gaze shifted

from me to Adam.

"I knew it. In my house? While I was gone? Even with Jeff next door?" I fell to the ground, " Get up

Amy. Your fine damn it. Get up and get outside, now." I just looked at him. He then grabbed my arms

and gently lifted me to my feet. He would have never hurt me. I slowly walked outside. I heard muffled

screams and curse words. Matt and Jeff's dad showed up. He just looked at me. Of all things, he smiled

and said, "You are who you are. That's never going to change. I'm just glad your not letting Matt chase

you down." He briskly walked past me, and entered the house. The muffled noises stopped and soon I

heard someone walking around the house. About an hour later, Matt came outside with a bunch of

boxes. He started stacking my things on the porch. I didn't say a thing, I don't guess he had to. Soon

there was an overwhelming amount of boxes and odds and ends. Seven years worth of things, all on

their way somewhere else. Jeff and his dad came out the door. Jeff refused to look at me. He had a hint

of blood on his shirt, something told me is wasn't his. Adam never came outside, or at least through the

front door. I saw plenty of Matt, but none of Adam. I really screwed up. It was then when I thought,

"Maybe, if I go to rehab, Matt will take me back." I found out later, that rehab didn't matter. It did no

good for me. At the same time, was there anything that would do me any good? But, back to that

fateful day. After all the boxes had been marked, Matt came out with set of keys. He quickly changed

his mind and turned back into the house. I heard him on the phone with someone. He must have been

calling a hauling truck of some sort. Soon, a truck pulled up. The women in the car, jumped out and

started taking things to the truck. The look on their faces were amusing. They seemed to want to know

why the were called, but didn't ask questions. It was evident that he wanted me gone.

"Where do you want to go?" His voice startled me. At first I thought he was going to explode. Then, he

gave me the car keys and told me to leave. He said the truck would follow and take my things where

ever. The car was horribly cold on the inside. The radio was tuned to Matt's favorite station, the seats were set back the same way Matt left his in his car. The rear view mirror was focused on the house. I didn't touch anything. It was supposed to be this way. Everything reminded me of him, the smell, the touch, everything. I breathed in and seethed out. I turned to look in the back seat. Matt's good leather jacket, my shoes, a few CDs, and a few boxes of odds and ends were all that were left. The sound of the engine starting sounded unfamiliar like it was new or something. I didn't have anywhere to go, and I didn't want the women in the truck to go on a goose chase. I thought to myself, "Was there any place that was mine before Matt?" I had to ask myself out loud before it hit me. I did have a place. Somewhere in Georgia. I was born and raised there. That was where I needed to be. My sister Aubrey used to live there but, we haven't spoken since we were teens. My parents moved to Florida when I turned nineteen. My house was extremely small and reminded me of a smaller Barbie house. It was a gift from my mother, she also furnished it herself. Meaning, it was light, perky, and disgusted me a lot. Then, I got out of the car and walked up to the truck. To my astonishment, the two girls were whispering in each others ears. Neither of them noticed me until my hand flew up and smacked the window. The jumped up and rolled down the window, "Yes?"

"How old are you girls anyway?" They grinned and looked at each other.

"Um I'm twenty my name is Precious. She's twenty two and her name is Shelby." The way she said it really pissed me off. I had planned on asking them if they cared to drive to Georgia but, screw that.

"Yeah. I need this stuff hauled to Georgia. Like today." The stunned look on their faces was hysterical.

"Okay. You lead we'll follow." They rolled up the window, and I walked to my car. Matt was still on the porch. I think he was crying, but I'll never know for sure. After that, I went to my "home". The first week or so, I slept through everything. The second week, I got a phone call from Stephanie McMahon. She wanted me to make a decision, "Go to work. Or stay home, indefinitely." I chose to work. I loved wrestling. I loved making the fans happy. When I go to the arena, I stood in front of the entrance and breathed in. Cigarette smoke, cool air, and coffee. I followed the scent of coffee. I smiled to expresso machine was in gear and one of the Divas was standing in front of it. As I neared the woman, she turned around, it was Maria. She was new and had been a ball of joy when I'd been there before. She wouldn't speak to me. Usually we would greet each other with some stupid hug. She gave me this look that not only let me know, that she knew what happen but, also her opinion as well. I continued to work for a year before I couldn't take it anymore. The McMahon's had used what happened in real life to write a storyline fight. I wanted to work, and I wanted to go out with a bang. I didn't plan on retiring so early,but I had to. My mental state, was counting on it. I left and never looked back. My house soon, filled up and stripped down in a sense. I painted the walls, changed everything up until I was happy with it. Somehow, I met a guy. We started a band. It was successful, we toured Europe. It was fun but, we fell apart. I was axed out of the band and once again, I was home sleeping all the time. I went out one day to a tattoo shop, hoping to find a nice tattoo. The shop was like any other, the front was mostly glass. The windows withheld, tattoo after tattoo. I sat underneath an angel and a portrait of Betty Page. After a few minutes of waiting, a women with big, red hair asked for me to come to the front desk. Once there, I signed papers. The girl at the desk, was short, skinny and the longest blond hair I've ever seen. She had lines of baby blue, and pink running through her hair as well. Her build was much like a pin up girl's. Her eyes were a simple shade of green. Her nose, lip, ears, and the small section between her lip and nose wear all pierced. She didn't seem familiar until I saw a beauty mark above her lip. My sister had the same one and it was so noticeable. I was starring at her for so long, she noticed.

"Can I help you with something?" She sounded annoyed.

"What's your name?" She sighed and put down her pen. Her hands rose to her head and she rubbed her temples.

"Aubrey." There was no way.

"Whole name please?"

"Okay. I don't know who you are, but it's Aubrey Marina Dumas." Tears filled my eyes.

"Oh."

"What's your deal? You don't even know me. What's your name?" She was being so sarcastic.

"It's Amy Christine Dumas." Her jaw dropped.

"No fucking way."

"Yes way." She stood up, I was mistaken she was as tall as me. She hugged me and ran back behind the desk and yelled for someone named Phil. There was no answer. Aubrey seemed annoyed, at least it wasn't towards me.

"Oh. I forgot he's getting a tat. Oops." She grabbed my hand and pulled me into one of the other rooms.

The door eased open, and there was a man covered in tattoos sitting in a chair. His shirt was pulled up so that it sat on his shoulders, his long black hair hid his face. The tattoo artist was clearly absent at the time.

"Yo. Phil, this is my sister Amy that I was talking about." The man's shirt slid back into place and his head bobbed up.

"Oh. You two look nothing alike." He laughed a hearty laugh, "Hey. You look familiar." He tilted his head sideways and scratched his beard, "I know. Your Lita." Wow. I have to admit he was gorgeous and even then, I couldn't escape that.

"Yeah. But you can call me Amy." I can't see how he knew me. I don't have red hair anymore it's pitch black. I'm not caked in make-up. Oh and my boobs are propped up and on display.  
"By the way, I'm Phil Brooks. You probably know me as C.M. Punk." He held out his hand. I took it. Such a strong grip.

"I'm afraid I don't know you." He looked at little confused, "I don't watch much of W.W.E. Anymore. I'm a T.N.A kind of person."

Relief crossed his face, "Oh. Yeah their okay I guess." Aubrey was obviously agitated by the wrestling talk.

"Um. Amy I get off in ten minutes. You wanna go somewhere?" She was fiddling with her nails.

"I'd like to get my tat, but after sure we can go anywhere you want." It was then that it hit me. Why was Phil here if he was with W.W.E? Isn't he supposed to be somewhere?

"Hey Phil, why are you in Georgia anyway?"

"Oh. I was here with the company but, I've known your sister for years so I decided to stick around for awhile." At first I thought they were dating or something.

"Dean would kill you if he heard that." Aubrey giggled, I don't think she can really laugh. It must be a blond thing.

"Who's Dean?" I was probably the only one who didn't know.

"My fiance." Okay. That solves that, their not together. The last thing my sister ever said to me, (before we parted) was "If you become a nasty wrestler. I'll hate you forever. Wrestling is for freaks." So why the hell was she best friends with one? I didn't say anything, instead I checked my watch and decided it was time for my tattoo session.

"Is anyone available?"

"Oh. Right. I could do it if you'd let me." She made one of those pouty faces, my dog makes when he wants food.

"Fine." She jumped up and down doing some sort of happy dance. Where was the hateful bitch that used to inhabit my sister's body?

"Gee Aub don't you think you should lay off the sugar?" Phil laughed so hard the table shook. He was for sure a wrestler. That was a wrestler laugh. Long story short, my sister gave me a tramp stamp. Phil and I started going out. I bounce around from Georgia to Chicago and everything in between. I've been a little better since then. My sister and I are like twins. She into the "scene" type deal. I don't mind it's like Gothic but more piercings, and wild colors. It's not so bad. Hell I even listen to country music more often. I just happen to love Sugar land due to the song "Settlin'" . Anyway, I've been better. No my career isn't at it's peak. No I'm not married to Matt Hardy. But, I am emotionally stable and dating a gorgeous punk. So yeah, that's the past and now your in the now. Because, I'm not settling. I've had enough of so so for rest of my life. So raise the bar high.

~Author's Note~

Okay, I know I don't have many fans but, I'd like to change that this coming year. Everyone who reads my stories, I'd really like for you to help make me more popular. Make Youtube videos, tell your friends, whatever is in your reach. But most importantly please give me some reviews! I hope you all have a Happy New Year and a Happy New Decade! Also on January 10 I'll be releasing a new fanfict about Lita called It Just Feels Right. And depending on the response I might release a CandicexPunk Fict.


	2. Chapter 2

Blah Blah Blah

"Honey? Where are my boots?" Phil's voice was breaking it's way into my headphones.

"Um. I think they're in the bathroom." Or at least that's where he left them. The damn dog might have stolen them like she does me. I took a deep breath. That damn dog hates me.

"Back to writing." I mumbled.

"Sweety? Did you say something?"

"Nope."

"Oh." These days it was easy to see why we were falling apart. I was writing down everything while Phil was traveling with the WWE doing his thing. I can't honestly say we love each other as much as we used to. He tries so hard to get me to be all soft. Me moved in to my house sometime ago. Phil still has his place in Chicago but, prefers to stay with me. Just when I thought he was gone, I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders. This is why I love him. He cares just like Matt. Damn. I have yet to go one day without thinking about him.

"I'm leaving. I love you Amy." He kissed my forehead. I was going to just sit there but right when he walked out the door, I jumped up and screamed for him. He dropped his bags and faced me. I jumped up on him, he should used to this by now. His arms were supporting me. I kissed him on the lips with all my might.

"I love you Phil." He just looked at me and laughed.

" I know. I should really get used to you jumping on me huh?"

"Of course!" He laughed and kissed my nose. Just like that, he sat me down and we waved goodbye. This is the part I hate the most, the part where he leaves and I sit in the front yard until my feet get cold. Today was no different. I was out there for a hour and then decided to go inside. It seemed like everyday, there was a new story on some wrestling website about me and Phil. I don't mind anymore. I liked how whenever I log into Youtube some fan has a video for us. I love it. Then I see a video about me and Matt or, me and Adam. I haven't spoke to either of them since the day I left Cameron.

I think both went on in life, but if there anything like me..Anyways, the one thing that I wish had happened sooner, was my sister. She was the girl I used to be. She always says, "If you wouldn't have left we'd be the same." I think she's right. If I hadn't left this empty, promise less, wasteland I would be some bottle blond working at a tattoo shop wouldn't I? I can't stand thinking about that. I wouldn't have had a chance at life if I would have stayed but, I'd never tell Aubrey that. She enjoys having me and I don't think she'd like to lose me. The smell of dog was on my tongue and making me gag. Phil had this idea of getting a big dog. A big nasty dog, who foamed at the mouth when he was gone. I spun around in my chair and saw the dog starring at me like I was a steak or something.

"Forget it. Anytime I feed you, you in up mauling me. No way. You can starve." Even I thought that was harsh. True but, harsh. Anything I even opened a bag of dog food, she jumped me. After a few minutes of starring at her, I decided to toss some scraps and run. Yeah that would work. I reached into the fridge and pulled out some steak Phil hadn't finished. He wouldn't miss it, if he did I could always feed him the dog. When I closed the door, something urged me to look out the window. When I did I saw someone. Of course it scared the shit out of me, but I couldn't look away. It was a women, she was short, dark hair, and very slender. I could see glasses at the bridge of her nose. She looked so familiar. But who was she? Who ever she was she was starring at me. As if she were doing the same thing I was. Did she know me? Better yet did we know each other? She started walking towards the house. We knew each other..we had to. She knocked on the door, and I went straight to it.

"Um. Hello?"

"Oh my gosh! You look so good."

"Who are you?"

"Patricia."

"Patricia?"

"Remember? Trish? You used to tease me and call me Patricia."

"Trish. Oh. Stratus?"

"Yeah." She looked so nerdy. Then again maybe she just didn't want to be the sexy blond anymore.

"Why are you here?"

"I don't know really. I mean I have nothing else to do. No one talks to me anymore. When I stopped getting updates on you I decided to come visit. Can I come in?" Updates?

"Yeah sure."

"Nice house. You live alone?"

"No well sometimes."

"Single?"

"No."

"Who's the lucky guy?"

"Phil Brooks."

"As in C.M. Punk? Please tell me it's not him."

"Yeah it is. Why?"

"He's a bad man Amy."

"How so?" People stop me everyday and tell me that Phil is awful. Trish was never like that though.

"You don't know?"

"Guess not."

"His last manager quit because he hit her. She said he didn't care about anything. That he would rather talk trash about people than work hard."

"Who was his last manager?"

"Hold on I have to think. Kel- No it was Maria. Yeah, Maria." My mind flashed back to the moment I saw Maria after Matt kicked me out.

"Are you sure?" Something was keeping me on this subject. A greater power that was telling me I needed to know this. Trish pushed her glasses up further on her nose.

"I was there. She was dramatized. I remember Chris punched him in the jaw so hard I though his teeth were going to fall out." I remember Phil getting punched he never told me why though. I was suddenly scared.

"Trish please tell me your joking."

"Nope." She saw someone's car and jumped up and ran out the door. I stood there in the door way stunned when Phil came in.

"Who the hell was that?"

"Trish." I whispered.

"Why the fuck was she hear?" She was right. Damn how she was right.

"Nothing. I haven't seen her since I left that's all."

"Your not allowed to see her do you understand?"

"Phil you can't control me she's just a friend. What's so wrong with that?"

"Everything. I can control you and I will. What did she say to you?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit. Tell me the truth."

"She just said something about her not seeing me. I 'm sorry you don't fucking get that." His hand was angled towards me and he slapped me. I felt so cold, I waited for him and he waited to hit me. My lip quivered and I ran outside. I fumbled in the car until I some how got it started. I drove forever before I went to Aubrey. I was sobbing when she opened the door.

"What the hell Amy?" She lifted up my face to see the bruise, "Who did this to you?"

"Phil."

"Bullshit don't you turn him into something he's not! She slammed the door in my face. Why did I go here I knew she would do this and yet I still came. I know why. I have no one. I have a car my purse and a few bags of clothes that's it. I'm not going home to him. I found my phone wedged between the seat and arm rest. I scrolled through the contacts before I chose to call Trish. After a few rings she answered.

"Hello?"

"Trish. You have to help me. Phil hit me after you left and my sister doesn't believe me."

"Come to the Marriot hotel on 8th street I'll be waiting." Okay. That's what I'll do. I hung up and drove as fast as the law would allow me and I found Trish. Really she found me, either way this was only going to get better.

~ Author's Note~

Anyone who reads I urge you to join Tumblr my account is;

.com/ask you guys can ask me anything. Ill post my youtube link as well but id love to have all my fans in one place. Thanks so much.


	3. Chapter 3

Pay Back Is A Bitch

After driving for a few minutes, I arrived at my destination. Trish was nervously pacing in the entry of the hotel. I took one last deep breath. When my left foot hit the pavement I knew this was real. Trish was right and she even had at least ten minutes after her departure to prove her point. That's when I though that every relationship I get into leads to destruction. Why? I've asked myself this question time and time again and, each time it seems, there is no exact answer. Staggering to the revolving door, I mumbled under my breath, "I'll never do it again." Why? Again no answer.

"Amy! Are you okay?" Trish all but ran into me.

"Yeah I'm fine." I tried to push her away. Crying to Trish, I thought hadn't been a bright idea. Like a Red Hot Chili Pepper's song I was hard to get but, apparently easy to love.

"Are you sure?" Trish was viewing me from all angles.

"Positive." I smoothed some wrinkles in my pants and descended into the hotel. Soon Trish took the lead and together we made it to her room.

"You want some coffee?"

"Sure."

"How do you take yours?"

"Black."

"Eh." She didn't protest any further. Instead, she fled to the kitchen. I looked around the room for anything. Clothes, suitcases, and to my surprise a little yellow scrapbook. The cover read, "Live Life." I hesitated before picking it up.

"Go ahead." Trish motioned for me to pick it up. The small book held excellent binding. Little daises were thrown out all over the pages. The first few pages with held, pictures of Trish and many of the other Divas. There was one picture that stood out the most. A some what tall red head with tattoos sticking her tongue out to the camera and young blond Trish doing the same. I was taken aback by the way the picture was centered. It was as if Trish had secretly thought of me as her best friend. That explained her sudden appearance today. She missed me. For a moment I felt weird and then I realized I had missed her too. I had missed evIeryone. The little ding noise signaled the arrival of coffee. Trish handed my a mug and sat across from me. We drank in silence and momentary I thought about starting conversation. The first sip of the coffee burned, that's how I know it's real. The ceramic mug began leave impression marks on my hands.

"Amy?" Her voice bounced around in my head a moment before I answered.

"Yes Trish?" I looked up to see her looking down at her cup stirring slowly.

"I have to be honest with you."

"Honesty is key in any relationship including this one." I was hoping this would break some sort of tension.

"Ever since I met you, I worried. You were this ray or sunshine that blistered on my skin. You were beautiful but, only brought harm to me. I wanted so badly for us to be friends. Like Torrie and Sable all of those girls. We went to church together and shopped. That's what I wanted with us. I watched you go out and drink with Matt and Jeff. You never looked happy. Although I knew you were. It always seemed there was something else." It was getting weird really fast. I continued to sip my coffee in hopes it would changes things.

"Well what I'm saying is, I had hoped you would change. Be different some how. Drift from the drinking, cheating and hardships. Someone told me you and Matt split and I was concerned. No one wanted to talk about you. I had to make a visit. So have you ever thought of going back?"

Back to what? I was puzzled where was she wanted me to go?

"Go back where?"

"To the WWE. You know wrestling, being happy like you were?"

"I'm not sure that would make a difference in my attitude."

"I think it would. Listen I'll put in good word and you can be back on the road in no time."

I thought about it. Wrestling. It was bliss but harmful. Traveling. It made me so pleased. Never staying in one place long enough for anything bad. I would do it then.

"Okay. I guess I'll go back."


	4. Chapter 4

Get On The Ball

That was my last cup of coffee. I know scary right? True and scary but, it was a decision I made for the better. I thought going back meant dropping bad habits starting with my coffee obsession. Trish put in good word. Good word indeed because, Vince called me almost a day later. I went out, dyed my hair red. Brushed up on my in-ring skills, I even got out my old ring gear. There's something about the smell of dust on leather that causes me to cry. My boots fit and everything. I was excited to see the fit and I knew that soon I'd have to upgrade to bigger boots at some point but, for now these were good. I flexed my muscles one last time. This was right. It was so right. My feet wondered around the small area of shoe and sighed with relief. They were happy. I was happy. I couldn't believe I was even considering going back full time. But to be honest with myself, I had nothing left. My "boyfriend" and "sister" were all I had before and they were gone. Trish had gone back home and bid me a bitter farewell. She thought I'd ask her to come back as well. I didn't. I wanted her life to be care free. She wanted back on the road. I hadn't heard much of anything from Vince and assumed I was headed to Raw. I had hoped I was going to Raw anyway. I couldn't be on Smackdown with Adam and Matt. With ECW canceled, my choices...or Vince's choices were limited. I hadn't seen much of anyone besides Trish. No one else wanted to speak with me or be around me either. The last person I remember seeing was, Umaga. Someone who had his own demons but still preferred staying away from me. He was sitting on one of the couches and was wiping off his face paint. He looked at me with a stare that made me wish we weren't facing each other. It was weird who I never said anything. With Umaga dead now, you'd think I should have said something. Today on my agenda, I was to look for a nice suitcase and gym bag. The car was as messy as ever. I really should do something about it considering I'd be in it everyday. As I turned out of the drive, I remembered waiting for Phil in the grass. I hadn't spoke to him since our prior engagement. I feared he would be extremely sorry or ready for round two. Solemnly, I drove in silence. Ever since Matt and I separated, quiet rides became more usual. Casual almost, except in a casual situation, your happy. Looking back in the rear view, I noticed many things I'd overlooked. The house itself was in such bad shape, people must think I'm on drugs. Why would I care anymore? I do care. Secretly when no one can tell me other wise. I sniffled and continued to drive. Now was not the time to cry. There was never a good time to cry. I was trying to get my head to tell my heart I was fine. It resisted, against my hardest attempts. I pulled over and switched the car engine off. The road was empty, but I could tell why. Families everywhere were together. Being happy and what not. My feet found themselves on the dashboard. My head lolled backwards and my eyes closed. Soon, I was asleep and dreaming. Remembering. The house smelled faintly of candles. Strawberry. From the looks of it, it was night time. The house was cold. No. Not today. I was going back to that night. I couldn't go back. I didn't want to go back. Matt and I were on the couch talking about the car. Just like the previous times, I'd dreamed this dream, I went to bed early.

"I'm glad your not making Matt chase after you." The voice echoed in my mind and bounced around until I shot up in my seat and sobbed.

"I wanted him to chase me! I wanted Matt to chase me!" My head fell down onto the steering wheel. I was finding it increasingly harder to breathe. My hair attached to my face and made it impossible to see. I could change this. I could find Matt and I could chase him. I could chase him. I took too much time from him and I wanted him to have it back. Take it back. I thought suddenly, Smackdown. I'll find him. I turned around and drove as fast as the law would permit. I went home and packed. No one knows I'm here. No one will miss me. I shoved everything in one bag and said, "Hell. This bag will support me just fine." I heard the crack of thunder. I didn't care I was going back. I drove for hours on end just to get to North Carolina. I strolled around the park, in the rain, and I was eating vanilla ice cream. I was breathing was such ease it was amazing. My hood was drenched. The ice cream tasted like rain water, but I didn't mind. Not one bit. I liked my fingers and tossed the cone in the garbage. Nasty cones. I continued to walk. No one was out today. And I could easily know why. It was pouring. I thought of all the places Matt would be. I sat on a bench at a rest stop. I closed my eyes and remembered all the places we used to go. On rainy days. Shit. On rainy days. Then it hit me. Cracker Barrel. We went there whenever it rained. Then so it was decided. I ran back to my car. Too scared. Too excited to wait any longer. I found the old Cracker Barrel and rushed inside. The waitress seated me. I frantically looked around the room.

"Miss? Can I help you with something?" She was scared I was going to hurt her.

"No. No thank you." I smiled. I made it here. All the way here. I looked so hard, every inch was scanned and not a single soul was in my sight. Then like a sudden thunder storm, I smelled it. The cologne I had smelled that same night. My heart raced and I was ready to scream his name.

"Matt!" I turned around at such speed I barely noticed who was behind me. It was not Matt. The man whose tanned hands looked worn out, sat his menu down. His hair was blond and long to the point of no return. His gaze meet mine.

"Amy?" I stuttered but nothing came out. I tripped and he rose to help me but, I ran back to my car. I locked the doors and just cried. The man came out and looked everywhere. He would never know which car I was in. I didn't want him to ever find out. While I fled the scene, Adam Joseph Copeland starred at the ground and realized for once, he made the mistake. I turned up the radio in hopes it would drown out the doubt in my head.

"Cause if one day you wake and find that you're missing me. And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I might be. Maybe you'll come back to place where we first met."


	5. Chapter 5

The House That Preys

After my last show down with Adam at Cracker Barrel, I immediately started house hunting. I called my sister the day before and told her to send ALL of my things when I called with and address. She was more that happy to do so. It was funny to hear her voice and know she was bitter. You couldn't help but, laugh. If Aubrey could have spit in my face, through the receiver she would have. I found it hard to just speak to her. After all the time we were apart, them together again, we'd never been like this. When I hung up on her, I sat back in the leather seats and watched the rain drip down the windshield. I pursed my lips, in deep thought I failed to notice the sign. It was a billboard, in dull brown colors. It advertised, leasing in the Cameron area.

"Perfect." I crawled back into the front seat and started the car. I hummed with the engine. I came up on the agency that claimed to be the owner of the "dull" poster. They seated me and gave me a number. 23. How nice? There were dozens of middle aged, filthy rich, snot nosed housewives sitting all around me. They eyed me like a zebra standing in a sea of tanned deer. I had piercings, tattoos and was soaking wet. Whispers started to buzz in the room. Right in time with the air conditioner.

"Who does she think she is?"

"Does she know she smells like dog?"

"That's disgusting. Maybe she's homeless."

I was smiling because, none of them knew I heard every word.

"I think I just might be Amy Dumas. I know I smell strange to you. You think I'm disgusting, that's okay I have opinions too. And no. I'm not homeless, I make more in one sitting than any of your husbands, bosses do."

The look on their faces was priceless. They stopped whispering and one woman got up and walked to the desk. She was petite. Medium chestnut hair, porcelain skin and was slender. She asked the clerk for some water. The clerk happily gave her a small paper cup and showed her the fountain by the restrooms. She carefully poured herself some water and sat back down. Boredom set in and I watched #9 pick at a scab on her wrist. I finally pulled out my phone. Surfing the internet seemed like a wise option. Then my email, for whatever reason, blew up. The puzzled look on my face, not only gave myself and #5 a headache, but gave water girl a curious grin. They were all notices on bills and blah blah blah. I clicked the discontinue on everyone of them. I don't live in Georgia anymore. Then, like a miracle from the heavens, the adviser came out. She checked the sheet and looked right at me.

"Miss. Dumas. You have a phone call on line two. Also, when you finish, see me in office number eight." Alarms went off. Me? Ahead of number 9? Phone call? I chuckled as I went to the desk. The lady pointed to line two. I coughed once and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Belinda Carlyle from "Stratosphere Yoga"."

"Um. Hi. I guess this is Amy Dumas from a housing development dealership."

"I know. Trish wanted me to call and tell you, she sent a package to you through W.W.E."

"Okay thanks."

"No problem. She said you were in desperate need." Click. Maybe Trish saw something in myself, I did not. But, wouldn't I notice first? I hung up. And in a haze walked to office eight. The glass section of the door was taped off with news paper. Above it, in gold paint it read, "Dirk Josephine Felix."

"Whoa." I knocked and she opened the door. She was of medium build, long red hair and looked like a model. She was a knock out for sure.

"Miss. Dumas. Please have a seat." She pointed to a soft looking leather chair in front of the desk. I sat down. Hoping for the best was an understatement at this point.

"I see you want a home here in Cameron."

"Yes." Duh.

"We have several homes available for purchase. How soon do you need a home?"

"Today." I love to make hard working people scramble.

"Uh. Okay. I'll see what I can do." She turned around in her desk and began typing. For no apparent reason, I turned to the glass door. There, plain as day was #9 starring right at me. Her face smashed on the glass. She knew I was looked at her.

"Um. Miss Felix?" Without turning around,

"Yes?"

"You have a fly on your door. May I get that for you?"

"Oh sure there's a news paper on the desk." I rolled that son of a gun up. As I stood up #9 looked at me confused. Then, I hit the door. The glass didn't break but, I was sure it would have.

"Got it." I returned the paper back to it's place and looked at the door once more. #9 was gone. Felix turned around and looked at me.

"We have one house. I'll give you the address. If you want it, go right in and settle down. Just send me the money tomorrow. If you don't, just go about your business." She wrote down both address. I took the paper and left. I didn't want to be here any longer than what I had been. I followed direction and found myself right beside Matthew's brother's house. Ever since that last day, Jeff and I haven't spoken. I read the news and I knew he was in trouble with the law. It didn't surprise me. Some people might say, Matt was the success story, Jeff was the failure. From a distance, and even up close (if you knew what you were looking for) that seemed to be the case. Jeff had no interest in me. I had none in him either. If he were to be as I have heard him to be, I wouldn't have one single thing to say. The house was huge. Just like my home in Georgia. The inside was a great deal different. It was empty. I looked in every nook and cranny before, I was sure I wanted it. I brought what little I had in the car, into the house. I dialed Aubrey's number and waited. No answer. So I left her the address. I went up stairs and set up shop. My wrestling gear, CD's, clothes,and smaller things. They were scattered on the floor.

"Picture perfect memories. Scattered all around the floor. Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight anymore. And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time."

I shook my head. No. Not today. It took ten minutes to snap back into life. My phone was still untouched. I imagined Aubrey was sending my stuff through next day delivery just so she wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. I didn't blame her. I heard the crackle of an ATV starting and looked out the window. I saw a bunch of men, in a circle. One was carrying a video camera. The Hardy Show. They were taping but, I couldn't see Matt. Jeff was on the far end looking right at me. I was embarrassed and dunked. My face was blood red. When I re-emerged, Matt's back was to me. He was facing Jeff. It looked like they were yelling. The rest of the men soon came and broke them up. The majority of them, went with Jeff inside. Matt stayed behind. His long, black hair fell from its pony tail. The little curls became very apparent. A smile wove it's way onto my face. Then he turned around, his tanned, hard working face looked at my window. This time, I didn't turn back. We starred at each other for what seemed like five minutes. Then, his arm slowly came up, and waved. I choked up. Should I wave back? I did. Without the trembling sensation, Matt's arm had given him. He smiled and went inside. Did he even know who I was? It was hard to tell. He hated me so much before, it was hard to think that now, he would ever be the same. My phone buzzed and grabbed it. Unknown Number.

"Who the hell?" I pressed talk and waited for an answer.

"H-Hello?"

"Amy?" My heart stopped. It was Adam. I was silent. I didn't know what to say. "Amy? I know your mad but, just say something. Don't be silent. Please?"

"What the hell do you want me to say!"

"Anything. I know what I did was wrong. I'm sorry."

"Why couldn't you be sorry five damn years ago?"

"I-I don't know. It was stupid. You know I suffered as much as you did? You were wasted and willing to do anything. I was a married man, struggling to crawl out of a broken marriage."

Up until now, I had never known about a wife.

"M-Married?"

"Yes. Her name was Lisa. We had to divorce right after the affair. It was awful. Matt was one of my close friends too you know."

"Yeah I know."

"Then why can't you just get over it? Everyone was in pain. Not just you."

"But, I messed it all up. I'm to one. No one else knows what that's like."

"Everyone knows. We all screwed up with that one." Click. My phone feel to the ground. We all messed up with that one.....

* * *

My head hit the pillow with such strong force. I'd never argued with my brother so much. His voice still rang in my head.

"You'll never be different. Your just like Amy. Your a fucking hypocrite." The last word lingered. Hypocrite. I tried hard in all I ever did. I went to college. I've never been suspended. I don't do drugs. The cops don't raid my home looking for cocaine. But yet, I'm the failure. I never had anyone ever tell me that. The air released from my lungs like a knife. The crooked end, scrapping every piece of flesh possible. I wanted to cry but, I just couldn't. There was no reason to cry. This was it. The last time Jeff would ever, treat me that way again. Even when we were children, Jeff had whatever he thought was necessary. How could I fall through a crack? When we were older, we both wanted wrestling more than anything. I was bigger, I had more of a chance. But, everyone wanted Jeff. The small, weird yet wildly popular youngster. He'd do anything, as long as he had down time and money. Me? I do anything as long as my fans were happy. I didn't care about the money, or the down time. I just wanted to work. In late 2003, Jeff was suspended for no shows and skipping rehab. It burned me up.

"You had everything! Damn it. Jeff you had ALL of it and you threw it all away. And for what? Booze? A night stand with a ring rat?"

Those words must not have given Jeff mush meaning. He went to an independent company, T.N.A. It was nothing compared to what the W.W.E. Had given us. Jeff didn't care. He wanted to go somewhere, where he could be different. I never watched a single match. Jeff was fired from there too. He begged Vince for his job back. Vince only gave it back because, Jeff was popular among, girls and middle aged women. Hell I think at that time, anyone was abs and long hair, appealed to hormonal girls and women. He came back and got the biggest push in his life. The WWE championship. Why? I don't know. Stephanie McMahon and myself had lunch once. She told me she didn't want Jeff to have it. She said, "He's just too careless. He'd give up the title to some girl on the street, if she asked." She was right. Girls. Drugs. Money. Sounds like rock and roll but it's just Jeff's life. The only time I'd ever escaped that fate was with Amy. She was so different. I liked it. We clicked immediately. For years we were together. She made everything so much better. Once she even put Jeff in his place, when she found him sleeping with another female wrestler. Amy picked the girl up and tossed her into the hallway. She was stark naked and embarrassed. Jeff, was angry. Amy demanded he put pants on then they would argue. She wait in the hallway and even tossed the girl her jacket. Jeff came out cursing and ushered the girl into his room.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Amy laughed.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You have a girlfriend a home waiting for you. Or did you forget that when you got wasted last night? Your so stupid. It's no wonder they never give a chance in any business your in. You can't be trusted." She slapped him in the face and left. That was the last real conversation they had. Then...She cheated. The word is so bitter. She cheated on my with a friend. She tried so hard to explain to me, that she was depressed and drunk. It didn't sound like her talking. I kicked her out of the house and demanded she leave for good. I'm so sorry that I did it. I love her so much. To this day. Any relationship I've been in since her, has failed. It because those girls, weren't Amy. I knew it. I hadn't spoken to her in five years. I missed her so much. I wanted her so much. I knew she hated me. But sometimes I wonder where in the world she was. I never actually found her. Sometimes, I thought I saw her but, it was just a mirage. She was gone. I remember our last night together. She was so quiet and I touched her face and she darted away. I just want her to know that I still love her. I just want her to know.

"Immovable means, forever."


	6. Chapter 6

Staying In Touch

I was running. There was no end to the tree line. No grass. Just dirt. Then, like magic I tripped. My face implanted itself in the ground. Blood rushed out. Someone's hands grasped my shoulders and pulled me up. My vision was red but, I could smell cologne. Matt. He hugged me. And soon, the red was gone. I took his hand and kissed him. Sweetly. I blinked really hard to get the tiniest hit of blood out. I opened my eyes and now stood Adam. Matt had disappeared, Adam was in his place. I woke up in a cold sweat, crying. I'd heard somewhere, that your dreams are replays of the future. I was hoping this was wrong. I don't want Adam in my future. There was an obnoxious honking noise coming from down stairs. The moving truck was ready for me to unload. The movers rushed out of the car. The fled from room to room, putting things right were they were told to. Once they were gone, I fell onto the couch.

"What should I do today?" I mindlessly scratched at a scab on my index finger. Not enough shows in the world, could ever capture my imagination. I went back to the room I'd slept in. I looked out the window, hoping Matt would magically appear. I dreaded the fact that, now I was scared to sleep. If I went to sleep and Adam was there, I wouldn't dare face waking up. My phone rang. Stephanie McMahon.

"Hello?"

"Hi. Amy? It's Stephanie. Did you by any chance move?"

"Uh. Yes. I did. I moved to Cameron North Carolina."

"Oh. Well, I was just calling to confirm. Can't wait to see you on Tuesday."

"Tuesday?"

"Yeah the Smack Down taping."

Click. Smack Down? Really? Matt AND Adam? This was going to either be, a great thing or a horrible thing. My safest bet was that it would be bad. It was now time for me to get ready to hit the road. I got out of bed, and rustled my things into a suitcase and headed to the car. I sat my suitcase in the backseat, for whatever reason the trunk didn't feel right. Then again..

"What the hell?" I climbed out of the car and adjusted the seats. Damn how change seed daring these days. A tap on my shoulder sent me, into near shock.

"Yes?" A man, some what tall and covered from head to toe in dirt, was begging for my attention.

"Hi. I'm -" The man's face went from distorted to relieved, " I'm Shannon. Moore. And your?"

Shit. Shannon Moore. He was a WWE reject that claimed to be a part of the Hardy clan.

"I-I-I, um, I'm Tamara Vicklend." Clearly, Tara and Victoria were the two names on my mind.

"Oh. That's funny because you look just like, Amy Dumas. You know Lita?"

"Um. Yeah, I know who your talking about. What business would she have here?"

"Her ex, Matt lives here."

"Oh. The guy who fought Edge right?"

"Yeah...." He turned around and walked away. But under his breath, I clearly heard, "I know who you really are. But, I have no room to say anything."

The floor was so close to my face. The saliva was dripping slowly. Where the hell was I? Think. Think. I was in my brother's floor. He had a party, and everyone was wasted. Great. Slowly my brain recognized, that linoleum tasted horrible. As I lifted my head, the reminiscent after thought of a headache, throbbed. I brushed my hair back. Where was this brother? The wooden doorway, was my support. My eyes focused on Shannon laying on the couch. He looked awake enough, "Shannon? Why was I in the floor?"

"Jeff didn't want to carry you." Well, then why am I still here? Why would my brother not want to move me? Who knows. I just left. Did I leave anything? Did I care? No. When I opened the door, I saw this beautiful, red head. I did a double take. Amy? No, I can't be. She's probably somewhere else out there. Maybe not..... I blinked a couple of times and sure enough. It was her. I had to have been. Who else would look so similar to her? No one. No one can ever amount to what she was. My head lolled to the side. I was tired. Could it be possible that I was just too tired to really care? I walked home anyway. Who ever she was, she was next door. Whatever surprise she had, would be waiting.


	7. Chapter 7

The Fame

"For today weather, Thunder storms and a high of 75." I turned the radio off. The sound of rain might control the headache beginning to surface from the brain. I was desperately hungry. But, as far as I could tell, there was nowhere to stop. Finally, I came across a Wendy's and decided to stop. Once inside I smelled the rain. I knew it would start before I got done eating. I ordered a cheese burger and some chicken. I sat at the window on the far side watching the streets. People were running trying to find a place to get away from the summoning rain. Smart people, would just dunk into this restaurant. No one did. I felt safer knowing that no one would just ran in here and ruin the silence. I was enjoying being here alone.

"Excuse me? Are you Lita?" The tiny voice was poking me in the side. The sound was almost a murmur.

"Yes. Yes I am." I turned around to see a little four year old girl.

"Oh. My brother is in the army and your his favorite Diva." I felt tears building up.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Can I get you to sign something for him and take a picture with me?"

"Of course sweetie. I'd love to." And so the little girl took her picture and got her autograph. Then she was gone. Much like every other fan. I finished my meal and headed to my car. It was sprinkling when I turned the key. Suddenly I was remembering something.

"Matt! Stop that!" Matt was tickling me, until the point in which I cried. We were with several other Superstars at a water park in Atlanta.

"Give me a kiss and I'll stop." I kissed him and he let go. It was cool outside and the weather felt nice. Without a notice, Adam threw me and Matt in the water. We were all laughing and splashing each other.

It seemed he threw us for a little more than just a five second ride.

~Matt~

The ride to shows was never fun. Even with Jeff and Shannon, it had never been fun. There were times when I doubted my sanity. But these rides, they were somewhat healing when I was alone. With the radio on and the rain beating my windshield. The rain.. Then I had a memory...

"Matt? Wake up. Seriously. If you don't get your ass off this couch, I'm kicking your face in." Amy was trying so hard to get me up.

"I'm so tired babe."

"I am too but, look!" I opened my eyes and watched a wild rain storm smash into our home. I sat up.

"Thank you." She said and we kissed. I scooped her up in my arms and we headed outside. We sat on the front porch watching the rain. Then I snapped back into reality. There was a red jeep on the side of the road. A woman was sitting with the trunk raised trying to dial someone.

"What the hell? I have the time. I pulled over and got out of the car.

"Mam, I couldn't help but notice your in some trouble. Can I give you a ride." The woman's face raised up from her phone. It was...It was...Amy.

"I-I-I'll be fine. If you really wanted too I guess I would ride with you. But, I can find some other way."

"You can ride with me. You can always ride with me."


	8. Chapter 8

Mine.

The past slow. She talked about how her life had changed. I nodded.

"So. Is there anyone your seeing?" I snapped back into my body.

"No. How about you?" I had visualized myself asking her this for a long time.

"Well, I did meet someone. We lived together for awhile but we split recently."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I really wasn't.

"It's okay. He wasn't my type, I guess." Good. After this exchange, we were quiet.

"Do you still have Lucas?" She just wanted to start a conversation. I respected that, as I wanted to talk too.

"How could I not keep Lucas?"

"I didn't think you would but, stranger things have happened." Like you sleeping with Adam. I was trying so hard not to let my feelings about that past get into her.

"Stranger things have happened... I see you got some new tattoos." Apparently she registered the Adam reference in my voice because, she was still after I said it. Just like Amy would do she reached over and turned on the radio. I could have kicked myself, and I should have. We drove like this up until we reached the arena. I could feel her watching me and this deeply shook me. I felt like once again, I was being punished for what she did. Just like before. This to me was a sad, sad event. So I popped the trunk and stiffly got out of the car. She however, stayed where she was. How could she still be a stuck up girl after all they'd been through?

.

I sat there and watched him get his things and enter the building. I didn't want to attach myself to him just yet. If anyone saw me with him, hell would break lose. I gingerly rang my hands waiting until he was definitely gone. While grabbing my things, I wondered what the locker room would be like. I guessed it wouldn't be the same. My guess was right. Smackdown had few divas. Natalya, Kelly, Michelle and Layla. That was it. Personally, I hadn't really met any of them nor did I feel like I needed to. Walking in was strange. All eyes were focused on something else. I seemed like they didn't notice my presence but, I knew deeply they had. I knew they had wanted me here and were thinking about that past. I had to ask where the "female talent" room was. When I finally found it, Kelly was the only one there. She picked up all of her things and left. But before she could close the door she simply said, "You disgust me." I felt so angry. Was she not the one messing around with Jericho? Was she not the one peeing in a sink? I thought she was. Maybe I was wrong.. Having the room to myself proved to be great. It gave me time to change and time to just relax and watch the show. When it was my cue to start walking to the ring, I became very nervous. The walk seemed to go on and on. I was afraid I was lost and wouldn't make it. But then I saw Michelle. We were supposed to be doing a match and promo together this was supposed to be the plan.

"Good luck out there. You're going to need it." I had always thought Michelle was really nice, but much like her gimmick she was simply mean. I quickly understood that this was going to be a war not a match.

"Introducing first the challenger from Palatka, Florida. Michelle McCool!" That was the sign. When my music played I pretended I knew exactly what was going on. As turns out, we were not having a match. Instead "Lay-Cool" was going to surprise me...


	9. Chapter 9

The Fire Burns.

"Look everybody, it's the infamous slut! Lita is back!" I start looking around the ring and notice there are picture of myself and Adam everywhere. Some large, others not. My thoughts circled around the arena and everyone booed. Perhaps if they had not flamboyantly paraded those photos, everything would have been fine.

"So Lita, why are you back?" Layla's accent was sending me down into the ring at a swift pace. My emotions were getting the best of me but, that was what seemed right.

"I came back to beat you to a bloody pulp, Sunshine." The stunned look on their faces, reminded me of Matt's face and soon I felt that pang in your heart when you know you have done wrong. My heart braced itself for another smart remark. My body teased that it was going to do just what I thought it would. The five seconds that we stood there felt like five years. Layla and Michelle just looked at me. My fist almost instantly connected with Layla's face and soon, Michelle was on my back and Layla rolling around the ring crying. The crowd cheered and I flipping backwards onto Michelle. She struggled to get out from under me. I ripped every picture in the ring and stood there huffing and puffing starring into they eyes of the girls who just embarrassed me. I closed my eyes and though I had messed this up again. I just decided on walking back to my dressing room. Climbing out of the ring made me feel inhuman. I felt like a machine. Someone flipped a switch and I went haywire. Paramedics rushed out to the ring. I knew deep down, neither girl was injured. Sometimes management sent out paramedics to add to the effect. Once backstage, I looked for a bathroom. I kicked every stall open before I was satisfied I was alone. Instinct had lead me here to do what I always did after a long night at work. I crawled to the stall furthest away from the door, and shut and locked the door. I sat in the floor and thought about what I did. I felt in my heart it was right. I felt deep down that I was happy with my reaction and found myself back outside. I walked to the caters lobby and got something to eat. Not much of anyone wanted to talk. I didn't see Matt nor did I see Adam. With Phil on Raw there was no need to worry about him. I thought maybe I should check on Layla and Michelle. Sure that didnt abide by the "babyface" standards. It was the sportsman like thing to do.

Sitting backstage in my room watching Amy give her little performance made me smile. She felt the same way I did about this whole Adam thing. I had tried to be friends with Adam in the past (after the whole affair that is) it seemed to work out. Every once in awhile he'd say "Sorry" or try to pay for my dinner or something like that. He tried too hard to make things right. That was the only thing that had really bothered me. I was over it but, I knew it haunted him. I used to haunt me to where I didn't sleep or eat. I got over it fairly quickly. Recently the only doubt in my life was my WWE career. No one wants to see me out here anymore. And Jeff keeps telling me things with TNA are so much better. I just wonder how much truth there was within his words. Knowing the truth and knowing his lies left me mixed up. I wanted TNA but, if I left here..There's no chance of going back. So I pulled my cellphone out and dialed a number.

"Hi Vince. It's Matt. I just wanted to know, do you think I have a chance? I don't expect you to call me back so, here it is. I want out. Release me."


	10. Chapter 10

Freedom Song

"Jeff. Why are you here?"

"I heard about your accident." He tossed some smashed and half dead roses onto my lap.

"What the hell? Leave now." I pointed to the door and and threw the sorry excuse for flowers at him.

"No."

"Leave or I will call the law."

"Call them."

Three hours later, the police had successfully removed Jeff from my property. It broke my heart but, I told him to leave and he should have left. Lillian and Candice were talking about colors to paint the baby's nursery. Butch and I were laying in my bed watching TV. Then the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hello is Miss James there?"

"This is she."

"Hello, this is Melina."

"Hi Melina."

"I was going to help you out, and I still will when you get better. But, I was wondering if you wanted to have some girl time together?"

"Sure, that sounds like fun."

"Good I'll be at your house tomorrow evening."

**Click**

Melina and I were not the closest of friends really. She was really sweet and I loved that she wanted to make things easier and better for me. She and Candice didn't like each other at all. I would have to find someway to get the two separate. Lillian and Melina got along but, weren't close close. It was hard to say why we weren't but we just weren't. I found it really hard to stay awake after everything and just passed out. When I woke up it was pretty late at night. Everyone else was asleep and I didn't want to wake anyone.


	11. Chapter 11

Got To Kick It Up

"So here's the thing, we want you to throw your match. McCool rolls you up for the pin and you just take it. This way, things can really get 'set up' if you will." You never say no to management unless you wanted fired. I won't lie, I was kind of down at the feeling of losing. I pursed my lips and nodded in agreement, "Okay." I acted very pleased by management's decisions, the truth is I will never like or even like a little anything they've ever done. So after my little ''pep talk'' I decided to find Matt. I was strolling down one of the main hallways when Michael Cole popped out from behind one of the media cases, "Well hi there Amy." He extended his hand and offered a stern shake.

"Hi Cole." Michael had just started commentating when I left, now he was a major factor in everything WWE did.

"It's nice to have you back, you should to lunch with me and some of the guys sometime."

"I'd like that." Truthfully, I didn't know one thing about Michael nor did I know if I wanted to spend more than a brief five seconds with him. I continued down the hall and eventually found an open door. MVP was sitting inside and he seemed to be talking to someone and my best guest was it was Matt. When I knocked on the door, MVP looked out curiously, "Oh. Hi Amy." He stood up and shook my hand and hugged me. Matt was standing in the corner and seemed upset.

"Did I interrupt something?" I felt like a nosy dog that had gotten their nose smashed in the door.

"No. Montel, can I talk to Amy privately for a brief moment?"

"Of course." Montel tipped his in respect and closed the door,

"What's wrong Matt?" I felt like I shouldn't have asked and that I was doing something I should never have resorted to.

"I quit. I leaving for Tampa to sign with TNA." He stunned me with what he said. Why would he go there? Then I remembered, Jeff was there. If Jeff said he was having a great time, Matt would want in on it. That's how it always was, "Matt, I respect every decision you make but, are you doing this because you want too? Or are you doing it because Jeff thinks it's cool?" Matt was stunned, and that was obvious.

"No! Why does everyone say that?"

"Because I know you Matthew Moore Hardy. I know that if your brother is having more fun than you, you're not happy. Your brother can't handle a steady career. That's why he's there, they want him to try to jump up ratings that's all. Not to 'wow' the crowd. They do it for themselves and he buys into because they cut him this bogus deal." I want to think that Matt agreed, because he nodded his head.

"You're right. What can I do about that now? How do I walk back in that room and face Stephanie?"

"You don't. Give her some time and just chill. Maybe if you just take sometime off, she'll see that's all you needed. Just don't go off and join the rival company." Matt laid his hand on my shoulder, "What would I ever do without you?"

That moment finally came. I was walked to the entrance ramp with my music blaring. I closed my eyes and breathed in stained air. I felt my lungs collapse and rise again. I pulled my air back into a pony tail and sprinted down to the ring. The crowd blew the roof off the arena screamed, "Lita!" And when I slipped in the ring and climbed onto that turnbuckle, the cheers grew and grew. Then my music cut off, and I remembered why I was here. Layla came out first, followed by Michelle and they did their little thing and walked to the ring. Michelle yelled, "You dirty slut." I just shook my head, "You flat chested, pasty, white girl." I didn't want to step down to her level, but the fans close by could hear everything. They would wonder why I didn't reply. The bell rang and we locked up. Michelle was stronger than she looked. She had me on my knees pushing in an Ultimate Warrior vs Hogan manor. After swapping a few punches and a German suplex, Layla jumped up on the ring mat. I took this as the sign and went after Layla and turned around to walk right into a stiff boot to the face. When I say stiff I mean she knocked me out cold. I've never been kicked that hard. After I left, I never imagined women's wrestling as being the same without me. Conceded I know, but Trish, Lisa and myself, we paved the way. But Michelle, she was talented and she could knock me out. When I woke up the ref was helping my up and out. I made it backstage to receive a pat on the back from management, "You sold that kick so well!" Yeah idiot I did. I had a bag of frozen peas on my face while I lay on a table somewhere far away from people. Then this small hand lands on my shoulder a small British voice pipped in, "Hey Amy, would you like to go to dinner with me?"


	12. Chapter 12

Loosen Up For A Change.

So there I was, sitting across from Layla at some burger joint.

"Thanks for the invite."

"It's no big deal. Chelle and I wanted to talk to you and hang out." Layla hesitates then stabs her salad. I didn't want to be rude so I dove into the food, it being my haven.

"So Amy-You do prefer Amy right?"

"Yes sure." I was chewing my food and glancing at the women's bathroom thinking Michelle would jump out and attack me. She never did. By the end of the night, Layla and I were laughing over each others stories and being well...friendly to each other. We parted ways and I headed to my car while sipping the last of my milkshake. Fishing for my keys (which were deep in my pockets) left me wondering. Why hadn't Matt tried to call me? I dug deeper into my pockets and found my phone.

"Seven missed calls?" I spit out what bit of vanilla was left in my mouth. All of the calls were from Matt. I feared he was either drunk or he was sullen.

"Hello?"

"Hey Matt, it's me Amy. What did you need?"

"Oh. I just wanted to hear your voice.."

This is when I realized neither of us were good for the other. Sure, you could say we just really loved each other that much. But the truth was we were addictive. A kiss just as shattering as popping a pill or shooting up. The hiss of his barely human breathe was fading.

"Matt, is this what you what?" Now the hissing stopped.

"I love you Amy. Why else would I pick you up when your car broke down" I thought about it long and hard and what he said really made sense.

"Okay." Matt was known to just hang up when there was nothing to say. So he did. And I lay in my hotel bed reminiscing on my life before everything was wrong...

"Trish would you just take the picture please?" I was standing in my shorts and bathing suit in a fountain somewhere in Mexico. Trish & I were paired up for sight seeing. She was purposely taking too long so that a cute guy standing behind the fountain could get a good look. Trish and I walked down the beach arm and arm.

"Thanks for going with me." Back then, Trish was not thought highly of. No one else saw anything in her except a pair of boobs and blond hair. I saw what no one else did. I saw a girl dying to branch out into the world.

"No problem. I'm having fun." Trish picked up a small, smooth blue stone.

"Here. It's a friendship rock. Our friendship rock." I happily took the stone in my hand and felt the cool surface in the ridges of my skin. For the first time, I found a "girl friend". Some one to share clothes and secrets with. Someone who would paint my nails and go shopping with me. I never had anyone like that before. That was something every girl needed and until that moment I had never had one. That next night we boarded a flight to Vegas.

"You need to loosen up a little." Trish's sun-burnt and freckled face smiled.

"What do you mean?"

"You're so.. Different. You don't talk to people and you never just burst into song or dance." The words lingered in the air and I knew what she meant. She was right. Whenever I was with friends, I never laughed until I cried. I never spit soda because someone said something raunchy. I was never fun to be around. Trish lay her head on my shoulder and slowly fell asleep.

I woke up a mere seconds before my alarm clock. I woke up and dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. I replayed my flashback and calmly decided what it really meant. I decided that cereal sounded much better than actual food. While chewing my frosted flakes, I deciphered the flashback; I needed to be more open with Layla and be a good friend. And there I found deep within me, a feeling so tarnished and unwanted. I felt lonely in a sense that only a good glass of whine and a chick flick could fix.


	13. Chapter 13

Oh The Ways Time Changes People

I will never be able to "review" myself and tell you how time changed me. I can tell you how it changed people like Matt or even Maria. It amazes me how just five years ago, everything about the WWE was different. Everything was different then. I remember when creative threw me into a mix with Adam and Matt.

"Amy it will put the ratings through the roof!"

"Amy just for a couple months."

"It'll only last a few weeks."

It did out ratings through the roof. It did last for awhile but much longer than a few weeks. It was scary traveling alone, but I would rather have been alone than with anyone. No one backstage would talk to me or listen to me. I'm not the first woman in the history of women to mess her relationship up. Look at Carrie Bradshaw, she has messed up several times..But the difference between us is that, she is really an actress and everyone **has** to like her. Me? I'm a professional wrestler, the only people that like me are the little girls that used to look up to me, the men who admire my body and the black sheep that could relate to me. The truth is, no one knows who I am besides me. There are things I keep to myself that no one can ever relate to. Like me love for the color purple, or my secret obsession with my Snuggie. No one but myself knows about those things. Just like no one but myself knew about my struggle and knew the truth of the whole "affair". I had to play it off like it was this steamy affair and that I wanted to be with Adam. I never wanted that. I wanted Matt back. The old Matt. The Matt I used to know. Not the Matthew the runs rapid and blasts people over the internet. Not that Matt. I was never the type to use the internet at all. When everything happened, it became a necessity. I had to check everything almost daily to see what everyone was saying about me. The opinions that I read over or watched is mostly what sparked my departure from the wrestling world. I was physically sickened by what people would say and what they felt about me. There were some people that remained at my side but with all the split personalities I had come to know, it was hard to trust anyone. But I had to get up and move on. There was no real reason for me to come back. They had Divas like Melina and Beth. Why would they need me? Victoria, Trish even Mickie, they were all gone. Why should I come back only to be in a locker room that I would not be familiar with? The only thing that ever mattered to me was wrestling. I was focused on winning championships and being the best that I could be. I never needed the fireworks and special managers and things. If I could fly under the radar and still wrestle, I'd do it. Now the only thing I could do was hit my entrance and go out there to all the nasty chants. I guess I made my own bed..But I don't want to lay in it. That's the price of fame I suppose.

"Matthew? Dixie will see you now" the polite secretary all but whispers. I stand up almost sure my legs don't work anymore. It was just yesterday (it seemed) that I was a teenage boy dreaming of being King of the Ring and dying to be part of DX. But here I am, years later, begging to join the lesser company. I brushed off the lint off my pants, straighten up my shirt and followed her into the cold office. This would determine my future.

"Matt. So nice to meet you! Thank you for coming to see me."

"Nice to meet you too Mrs. Carter." I shook her tiny hand and sat down. It was like sitting down with Michael Hayes all over again.

"So, are you sure you want to join us? Your brother was a nice edition. We'd be thrilled to have you." A nice edition? Was my brother some sort of baseball card in her collection?

"I'd love to join you."

"Good. You'll start next week." The secretary came to "remove" me from Dixie's office. Dixie starred at me coldly. She meant well but it scared me. Was I really going to do this? I could never go back to Vince if I did this. I could never go back to Amy if I did this. So why did I sign the contract anyway?


End file.
